Why I haven’t written

I know that some of you have not heard from me in a little while because I have not been updating regularly. At first, this was because there was a lack of internet access. But this was remedied almost two weeks ago when I had it installed in the apartment. Then I told myself it was because there was nothing to update about. Despite all the stress involved with acquiring said apartment and requisite furniture (pretty much just a bed), you don’t generally write about buying a new side table.

The truth is that the last couple of weeks have been pretty full of tension and fear counteracted by restlessness. Before coming here, I would tell people that I was remarkably not scared of moving to a foreign country without a confirmed job. I just had this instinct that everything would turn out fine in the end. But since being here, a little fear has crept in about my ability to pull this off. After all, in the abstract, it seems quite simple to find a job. It’s not until those pesky facts creep in that the situation changes. A little doubt can be a powerful thing for all the wrong reasons. And it doesn’t help that I can literally worry myself sick.

This is not to say that I am any less convinced that things will, in fact, turn out alright in the end.  Although there was somewhat of a setback last week concerning a job that I really wanted, things have been looking up. When I arrive, I hadn’t received that many responses about opportunities. Since last Thursday, I now have quite a few meetings in the works for jobs that all look promising. Rather than the fear paralyzing me, it has been a catalyst. (Having a great weekend to take your mind off stress doesn’t hurt either!)

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